What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 06:01
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Are there really people who still believe the Earth is flat?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
What is it like to have an insanely beautiful girlfriend?
She married twice! .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Is Trump the greatest spiritual leader since Jesus?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Is there anything wrong with me because I'm still single?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Comes on , in middle age.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
What do you think about a sister's love?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
How do you deal with a neighbor stealing?
I will be 64.
But it wasn’t much.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
What does success really mean to you? Is it about happiness, money, or something else?
I could never make a relationship work though!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As i do to all so called friends.?
My family never makes their pension either.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Why do I feel bad when I see white girls dating black guys, am I racist?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Especially a lifetime of it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why is only the left side of my vagina bleeding, on and off?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Do women really cheat more than men?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He knew the spot.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was seconnd youngest,
Im still living with it.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I have no regrets .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She loved him until the end.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We were not on the streets..
I write beautiful poetry .
But ive been too sick for many years..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I don,t even have a pension.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We all went to grammer schools
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My life is so biszare .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I waited trembling.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I said to her
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
It was going to be , some day.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was 9 years of age.
This is soul school!.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I never cut or harmed myself..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
So, i spoilt her more .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I think the readers, may guess!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One cannot live in the past .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Who then, do I blame.?
Put me off passion for life!!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She was in good health!
I was very sick at this time too.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I couldn’t, believe it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But, we were locked up after school.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
When she asked me how she looked .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why did i forgive my father ?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
All the time i was locked up.
And i lived it daily.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She found it foreign!.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Would this be the day?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She wouldn,t have been !
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was scared of men, in general
What did i know ?
So whats the point in blame.
He resisted the act ,that day.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Ive learnt so much.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
(And it was in our own minds.)